Vampires Don't Sparkle
by natebuzolicious
Summary: When Edward goes hunting and leaves Bella alone, Bella gets drunk. When Alice finds her, Bella goes a little too far. Bella OOC.


Vampires Don't Sparkle

**By: SGwannabe**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. **

Bella POV

I sighed again as I wandered around my own house, thinking of something to do. Edward and the family went out hunting and I was stuck all alone.

Charlie had gone out fishing with Billy. Edward and the family went hunting. I felt so lonely. The phone started ringing and I got off the couch and answered it.

"Bella?" Jessica Stanley was on the phone.

"Hey, Jess."

"I'm bored. Do you want to go to Port Angeles? Maybe we could go to the bar or something. I really don't feel like shopping today."

Without really thinking about it, I agreed. Anything to get out of this boring, drab house.

We hung up and changed into something presentable. I saw a couple of outfits leftover from Bella Barbie. I wonder if Alice saw this coming.

I changed into one of the outfits: black skinny jeans, a red silk halter-top, and black Converse. I didn't want to kill myself in heels. I put my curly hair pinned up and added some black eyeliner, mascara, and lip-gloss. In case of emergencies, Alice had taught me how to apply makeup. Now seemed the right time.

I grabbed my purse and threw my cell phone and some money into it. I took it with me downstairs. Just in time, the doorbell rang and I opened it. Jessica stood there in a dark blue miniskirt and a dark purple tank top and a gold short sequined jacket. She also wore the same amount of makeup as I did.

She looked me over and smiled. "Dang, Bella you look tight. Now let's go." We drove to Port Angeles and found a small bar that looked pretty nice.

As soon as we went inside, I regretted coming. Everywhere, people were smoking, drinking, or making out on the tables. I cringed and went forward to tap Jess on the shoulder. Maybe we shouldn't have come here.

But instead, she turned around and handed me a plastic cup with an amber liquid filled to the top. "Want some Bella?"

My first instinct was to refuse but I thought, why not? I smiled and thanked her as I took the cup from her hand and started to drink. At first, the taste was pretty nasty, but I kept chugging.

When the cup was done, I was already feeling dizzy and lightheaded. Nothing seemed right, but at the same time, it did.

I passed Jessica and held out my cup for more. She complied, occasionally swaying. Whether it was to the music or because she was already drunk, I don't know. All I knew was that whatever was in that cup was _good. _And I wanted more.

So I had more. We spent hours and hours dancing and drinking in that small bar in Port Angeles.

I had so much fun I didn't even hear the door fly open and Alice come storming in the bar. When she reached me she gaped.

"Bella how could you?!" she grabbed the cup out of my hand lightening fast and threw it behind her. I stumbled pathetically to get it back. She grabbed my arm and smelled the skin there.

She recoiled away in disgust. "Oh, you're already smashed. I thought you just got a little tipsy, but when the visions completely stopped, I had to get down here! Edward is going to kill me!"

I gaped. "You can see visions? Can you see me?" I asked her, swaying to the left.

"Yes of course, don't be silly Bella."

I frowned. "Well, then what am I going to do right now? Get another drink?" I slurred.

"No," she said firmly. I smiled, giggled, and pointed at her.

"Oops! You're wrong! Cuz I am!" I giggled like a little girl and stumbled to the bar. Alice held me tight though.

"Alice, Alice, Alice. We can do this the hard way, or the easy way." I challenged her.

"I choose the hard way."

"Fine!" I gave a war-like cry as I brought my arm up and tried to karate chop Alice's hand away from mine. My brave war-like cry soon turned into a whiny cry of pain as I broke my hand against Alice's diamond skin. I held up my hand in front of my face and started to bawl.

"MOMMY! IT HURTS SO GADDAMN BAD! OH MOMMY! ALICE HURTED ME WIT HER HARDASS _ARM_!" I bawled and bawled as Alice rolled her eyes and dragged me to her car.

"You molester! Get away from me! You're the devil!" I hissed. I started hissing and spitting at her.

Then I tried a different tactic. "Taste the power of the Church during Christmas, woman!" I screamed. Then I started singing off-key, "Jooooooy toooooo the woooooooorld, and… whooooooa!"

Alice yanked me into the car and I started yelling out the open window. "Spread the joy of the world to _me_! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

Coincidentally, an officer was walking past us on the sidewalk and he ran over to see what was happening. He came up to the window and Alice sighed.

I looked wide-eyed at the officer and leaned in close and whispered, "Seven days…"

He took on a scared look and snapped back saying, "D-did Julie s-send you? I'm s-sorry! T-tell her I'm sorry! P-please!"

He waddled away and I broke down laughing. It was like I couldn't stop. Even Alice was biting her lip, trying not to laugh. She turned to me and shook her head.

"I seriously wonder Bella… how drunk _are _you?"

"I swear to Drunk I'm not God! Please don't put me away!!!! You can't do this to me!!!! NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" I yelled to the roof of the tiny car.

Alice chuckled nervously. "Time to get you back home Bella. He he." She looked around and started to drive the car down the streets of Port Angeles to go home.

Oh, but I wasn't ready to go home yet. I waited ten minutes. "Alice!" I whined.

"What?" she asked irritably.

"I have to take a piss, like, NOW!"

"Be patient Bella."

"Alice! I can't wait!"

"Just hold it in, Bella! Were almost home!"

"Would you like your car to be ruined?"

Alice didn't say a word but she drove faster to the impending gas station. When we finally arrived, I ran inside, pretending to have to go really bad, and ran inside the men's bathroom.

"Who are you?" asked a large man. His silver beard glinted in the fluorescent lights. I growled at him like I was an animal.

"Who are you?" he asked again.

I giggled and twirled my hair in my fingers. I crossed me legs and pulled the waistband of my jeans slightly lower. I tilted my head to the right and made my eyes go wide and innocent.

The guy looked hungrily at me. "Now I say again, who _are _you?" he smiled wickedly.

"Oh, me? I'm a female impersonator." I smiled and the guy's face turned sheet white. I walked closer to him, sticking out my chest a little. The man ran out of there faster than Edward could move.

I giggled uncontrollably and fell down on the cold floor. I immediately stopped laughing. "OW! MY BUTT CHEEKS!"

Just then, Alice came stomping into the bathroom. "Help me Alice! I fell on my butt cheek and it hurts."

Alice sighed and helped me up with one hand. She dragged me out of the bathroom and into the car. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow," I whined.

"Too bad Bella! I don't care whether you have to take a piss or not, but we are not stopping for anything else! And tomorrow, you're not going to school because it's sunny and I don't trust anyone not to take you out to another bar!"

"Wha? B-but… mommy…. Why can' I go?" I baby talked to Alice.

"Cuz it's sunny!" she snapped.

I started to sob. "But… my friends! Mommy, please! The sun is only coming out! Do you hate the sun? Do you hate me being happy?" I sobbed.

"No, but remember. We sparkle in the sun, sweetie."

"You… _sparkle?"_ I asked her.

"Yup, Bella I thought you knew that!"

"Mommy Alice, I wanna sparkle too!"

She frowned. I started to chew my nails and she lightly slapped my mouth to stop it.

Luckily, someone just passed by, a policeman, and the megaphone went on. "Lady in the yellow Turbo. Please pull over." Alice growled in frustration but pulled over. The officer came to the window.

"Ma'am, abusing teenagers is against the law. I'm afraid we'll have to arrest you." Alice gaped. I gaped.

"But you can' take away mommy Alice. Daddy Jazzy got dead in da war and my bro, Emmy bear got kills by a bear in da woods and my little sissy Rose gots beaten my bad men on da streets. Eddy is my cousin an' he dead cuz of dat hero-cane in Flo-da. Grammy and Grampy are missing cuz dey went on a trip an' never cames back, dey don'. So now you gonna arrest my momma?" I baby talked. My lip was trembling and my eyes were tearing up.

"Oh, I'm sorry ma'am. But I will have to give you a ticket." He quickly wrote a ticket and waved us off.

"Wait momma. Police guy? Can I use your megaphone?" I asked him sweetly.

"Sure."

"Oh no," Alice muttered as she laid her head in her hands. I got out of the car and ran over to the megaphone.

I started singing once again off-key. "Jooooooy toooooo the woooooooorld…" I sang the rest of the song off-key. Alice was covering her ears and the policeman had shut off the megaphone after the first three words. But my voice carried through the cool air.

"Make it stop… make it stop…" the policeman was whimpering to himself. I chuckled evilly and walked over to Alice's car where I got in and she drove away.

We finally arrived home around midnight. We had to stop by Carl's Jr. to see if they had any chocolate milkshakes. And fries. And chicken nuggets. And the double bacon burger. I think. But anyway, Alice told me about sunny days and hunting.

After I received my food, I pretended I was a vampire. I had snarled at my food, pretending it moved away from me. After five minutes of staring down at my food, I got tired and hungry. I remember I pounced on it and shook my head like a dog while I ate it, pretending it was struggling. We got kicked out of _that _restaurant.

We entered the Cullen house at midnight. Alice was practically dragging me inside. "Wait." I whispered. Alice saw what I had in mind and she smiled. She nodded and headed inside.

"Hey guys." I heard murmured responses.

"Alice, you were supposed to bring Bella home. Where is she?" Edward asked. Alice must have shrugged.

"I don't know."

Then suddenly, I ran in, somersaulted, and held out my arms. "SUPER, SUPER BATMAAAAAAN! HE'S COOL, HE'S AWESOME, HE IS… BATMAAAAAAN!" they all just stood there, looking at me. Even Carlisle and Esme. Even _Emmett._

Then I stood up, and walked forward, bringing my knees up to chest and moving my arms in a circular motion next to me.

"He's hip, he's brave, he's… AUGH!" I tripped over the video game controller and fell on my butt.

"AUGH! ALICE! MY BUTT CHEEK! IT HURTS SO BAD! AND IT'S THE _SAME _BUTT CHEEK AS BEFORE!" Then, suddenly, I felt very sleepy. My eyelids drooped and Edward came over to pick my up. He carried me bridal style to the couch where he laid me down. I screamed.

"DON'T PUT ME DOWN ON MY HURT BUTT CHEEK YOU MORON!" And then I fell asleep.

Alice POV

As soon as Bella was asleep, I sat next to Jazzy and said, "You shouldn't have made her sleepy. It would have been fun to see what she did next." I pouted.

And all at once, everyone burst into laughter.

THE END!

**R&R! Did you like it? Then review! Please! This **_**is **_**my first Twilight fanfic! **


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